Burger Basics

As we come to another year of Fourth of July festivities. It reminds me of the way many Americans might celebrate the holiday.One of them being with an old fashioned cookout.

Now I have expressed myself to my peers at the TNA Show, how a good old fashioned burger should take precedence on this great occasion and that the masking of the great beefyness and open fire is just outrageous.

Now many of you will pull out the gas grill and for the point I'm trying to make, we will leave that debate for another day. Today its about the burger and all of it's simple glory. Now some people I talk to have told me how they love to mix their beef with various seasonings and pre mixed concoctions. And to them I say, how dare you. How dare you cheaply,dress up a hooker and parade her in front of your family as pristine. Shoving stale, over-marketed and overpriced seasonings into peoples mouths and expecting them to praise what you have cluelessly gelled together.

Now as the fellas on the TNA show like to call me, Culinary Scientist, I cannot sit by, nor tongue tied and watch as people pawn these epicurean disasters off, as some sort of great foodie experience.Now I get people like to show off and even believe that they can pull off some great culinary adventure. After all its just cooking, right? So wrong.All you have succeeded in doing, most of the time, is grilling individual meatloaves.Then they are placed in between hamburger buns and told to your unsuspecting guests that they are the best burgers in the world.BULLSHIT!

A burger should be bold, yet simple enough for an eight year old to assemble. Have a natural taste with subtle help from kitchen staples (salt and pepper). And these spices should only go on top of the meat not worked into it like a deep tissue massage.And please people, use some fat in your beef product.If you go under the 20% fat ratio, I hope you have plenty of beer cause most of the time these burgers are going to dry out on you. On the other hand if you go over that same ratio of meat to fat, you will see your money drip away into the fire and turn your 1/2 pound burger into about a 1/4 pound when it's all said and done.

Now for the toppings. I like to keep these to a minimum also, as to not mask the heart and soul of what I am trying to enjoy. Now we can have the old mustard versus ketchup debate. But that falls under the "debate for another day" category. Now you have your lettuce, tomatoes, pickles,onions and cheese. Now all of these have cousins that can easily destroy the essence of the burger and your pocket book, so be careful.

On to the more exotic or as I like to say shameful toppings. Avocados,mushrooms, chili, watercress and barbecue sauce have no business in or around a hamburger.We are not going to reinvent the wheel, and again mask the glory of almighty beef.Reserve this kind of behavior to yourself and to the privacy of your own backyard.If any of these has entered your mind during a backyard bar b que then you are truly a lost cause.

Now I'm not saying don't expand your horizons and explore possibilities. I'm saying don't give me meatloaf or some other faux burger and expect me to praise your failure. The best burgers are done with as little help to the beef as possible and the rest(toppings) are just after thoughts.

So if you plan to cook burgers this holiday weekend,just some words of advice, to help you on your way to grill jockey supremacy.


JohnAnthony-The Tna Show
Producer
Culinary Artist
All Around Nice Guy